Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Can’t get what you want?

Sunday, June 27th, 2010

When one finds himself or herself feeling powerless to get what they want from their spouse or partner.  It is a pretty good bet that the plaintiff  is SUBCONSCIOUSLY using their partner as a scapegoat.  The refusal to take care of one’s own happiness is hidden within the blame directed toward the partner.  If one was to admit full potency in their relationship they would forgo blaming and face ultimate self responsibility.  They would have to accept that they are the source of their own unhappiness.

1.   When a partner is asked directly,  it is natural to want to please.

2.   Partners cannot give feelings.  They can invite opportunity.

3.   Wanting the other partner to feel specific feeling is a desire for control and a violation of their right to be who they are if they are without being pressured.

4.   Many of our life needs are better met by persons other than our mate.  Don’t overburden the relationship unnecessarily.

5.  Each individual is the only person who always knows what needs to be done for themselves.

6.   Your partner is operating on an assumption unless asked specifically.


Michael Rebel LMHC


Role reversal??

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

I have just watched a movie with a story line that in my opinion is becoming all too common.

The attractive young female star is the only one who behaves with honor and courage.  Her husband, a so called protector is afraid and is not into doing the “honorable thing”.  The bad guys are all tough men afraid of nothing and abusing everyone in their path for material gain.  The authorities are all male and ineffective.  They talk a good game but then use the excuse that their hands are tied legally…………..

Finally she leaves in disgust.  The authorities are still impotent and the husband dives in the bottle and takes pain pills because he misses her so much…………………

She disappears………….

Finally the husband has a dream of his ancestral pride and buys a big gun and sets out to make things right……………

She is murdered……………..

He had no courage to protect her but he now has a compulsion to avenge her death……………

What do you think??  What would it say to your son?  What would it say to your daughter?


Symbiosis possible in Marriage?

Tuesday, October 6th, 2009

Good relationships are a form of symbiotic interaction.  Within the symbiotic relationship none of the participants are altered.  All the participants benefit and without sustaining loss.  The participants are usually quite different in habit and form each living it own life in its own way.  The proximity and  shared interaction is by free choice and mutual benefit. Each knows instinctively how to participate. None is responsible for the others life and therefore they do not need to establish co dependent relationships.

The human marriage does have intrinsic co dependence due to the fact that the pregnant female or the female with infant is dependent on males or other females during the 4 year period around birth.  During this time period the mother is saddled with a helpless charge.  The ultimate goal during this time is to maintain as much freedom as possible for the mother with child. Allowing them to thrive in a safe environment.

I believe that with some revision in our culture’s roles, rules and rituals and with the exclusion of the infant care years it would be possible for a symbiotic form of marriage.

What do you think?

Michael Rebel


Goodies 7/23/09

Friday, July 24th, 2009

What we “want most”,  “always wanted”, or “longed for” is what we are least prepared to have.  That makes us both strive for it and reject it.

Love is an individual experience, defined and maintained by the individual.  It does not have “no value unless shared” when one loves ones own self one enjoys the experience.  We just like to be with or relate to certain people or things while we experience it.

Happiness is defined by the individual and the circumstances.  Some like excitement and some like quiet security and both are measured by the individual’s personal preferences.


When old is new or is it?

Monday, June 29th, 2009

I am an avid fan of  the National Geographics channel   They have a new series Ancient language/Modern world.  It revisits ancient wisdom in existing tribal custom.

Amazing the Mongols can tell when a horse is in top shape by tasting the horse’s sweat.  We need chemistry and computers.  Their children are smiling and participating members of the families.  If left separate from Europeanand Asian influence there is little plague like communicable disease.   There is little shortge of food but the variety is limited.

Their religion respects the earth, it is about the using the earth.  They see themselves as the caretakers of nature.  Not the owners of it.

They live in complience with natural law.  This doesn’t mean that our culture is wrong but I do think it reminds us to remember our roots and honor the source of our existence  nature.  Maybe the wilderness is the promised land,  not the city.

Want to feel better? Go out and love some aspect of nature.  Feel alone?  Look again.  We are surrounded by millions of nature’s co travellers.