Archive for the ‘Parenting/Family’ Category

Out of the “Burbs” into the natural world

Friday, June 25th, 2010

I have a neighbor, a very nice lady from the “burb” mentality.  We live on a really pristine lake.  Lots of fish and wildlife with a healthy littoral zone.  However, she had decided that the way nature had designed the shore was not very aesthetic.  There should be no weeds and there should be a white sand beach like the picture of perfection in her head.  The “burb” idea of perfection.  She was also afraid of what might live in the weeds.

One summer day I coaxed her to come into the water with me and help clean out a small spot.  A spot where the boats had already shaded out the emergent weeds.  Being a real sport she joined me.  This brief little encounter allowed her to dispel some of her fears.  Funny thing, I haven’t heard her complain as much about the weeds since.

We can raise our future generations in a way that alleviates many of their fears.  The same fears they try to overcome in video games.  Teach your kids that we harm wildlife and are only rarely harmed by it.  Your car is the most dangerous thing in your life. Cars are more lethal than guns.  (We do not consider vehicular suicide). This way may sound radical but it could make a difference.  Take your kids camping and leave the electronics at home.  You parents too!

Teach your kids to feel as comfortable in nature as they are in your car.

Michael Rebel LMHC


ADHD epidemic (A proposition)

Friday, June 25th, 2010

It is this theorist’s opinion that the increase ADD is due to early life issues.  It is a form of hyper-vigilance driven by intensified abandonment issues.  These survival issues fuel a fear that causes the child to focus intently on a specific field. This focus severely limits awareness of peripheral factors .  Somewhat like viewing the world through a telescope. This is done in order to feel safe.  The narrowing of focus creates an awareness of finer detail in smaller field of view.  Thus, providing an opportunity to avoid fears and to keep one’s attention diverted from more painful situations.

The hyperactive (HD) component is due to increased and intense grief responses. Often a depression is brought about by the high frequency of changes.  In some children this becomes a fear of “depressed to death” .  The hyperactivity is a compensation for this seemingly lethal depression.  The child is compelled to keep moving so their body remains stimulated and vital.  Like the pacing zoo tiger in its small cage.  The tiger must move or become ill.

Our family environment with its changing structures and parenting behaviors is fluctuating  faster than the human’s capacity to evolve. Creating an overwhelming intrapsychic depressive grief response.

The mitochondrial DNA takes generations to modify.

Idealism is a rather impulsive thought process causing rapid and frequent change.

Our fixation with “new and better” ways to do things causes short sited prediction of  benefit or harm.

I propose that in this hurry up world we are geometrical increasing the entries and exits of the parents and caretakers in the child’s life.   I believe that some children develop ADD to compensate  for the overwhelming numbers of changes.   In order to compensate for their inability to reconcile with their DNA driven instincts, adaptations and expectations they divert to an anxious self stimulating ego mechanism..

I also propose that ADHD is not a disease or psychiatric problem.  It is a direct result of our societies ill-considered narcissistic parenting practices.  That our desire to make life easy causes behaviors that become psychological issues.  Most prominently effecting self esteem and security issues and impairing the child’s ability to relax and feel secure..

I have found that remediation, without medication is possible in appropriate settings!

Michael Rebel LMHC




Gifted: To be or not to be.

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

When one finds out that they have an exceptional child one is faced with decisions on how to assist in the nurturing of the special skills.  Some children naturally adjust to all the attention and do not seem bothered by the added expectations. On the other hand some kids become ultra sensitive to being burdened with extra expectations.  Generally the kids who have special skills in sports, intellect, and the performing arts are the most at risk for potential exploitation.

These children require challenges and an open forum to develop their skills.  They often lose interest in education if they are held back to accommodate slower children.  They are often smarter than their teachers and threaten them. Some create conflicts with authorities who become afraid of their potential to undermine or challenge authority.  It can be a treacherous road or an exhilarating one depending upon the child’s personality.  The environment’s flexibility for accommodating  the child’s needs reduces risk of unnecessary stress..

If one is faced with this situation there are some simple but critical rules.

1. Absolutely do not let yourself get caught up in your expectations for the child’s future.

If this attachment to the child’s performance takes place the parent becomes blinded to the subtleties that cue when to challenge and when to express support.  Remember they were not sent to you to solve your childhood issues but to highlight them.

2.  Your child’s potential is a gift not a responsibility.

Their realization of  potential will grow and actuate without your input as long as the child has a relatively stimulating environment to grow and learn in.  If this growth becomes a “have too” there is risk of killing the natural enthusiasm for learning.  The search for knowledge is inborn.

3.  The process does not have to involve added expense, quite the contrary the high performer can create their own “stage”.

The same capacity to perform that makes them special is enhanced when they are allowed to develop their own foundation.  They are handled best by mentoring not rigid monitoring. Self determinism allows them to use both the education from others and their own creativity in an ever expanding world of possibility.

4.  Step aside, stay out of the way, and enjoy the ride.

There is plenty of excitement to share when around a gifted child.  Don’t worry, be thankful and watch how the flower emerges on its own.  Bear witness to a miracle.



Sunday, December 13th, 2009

A man makes himself happy by doing a good job supporting his wife.

A boy wants his mother to make him feel good, so he pleases her.

A mother makes  her boy feel good by taking care of  him.

A girl wants a boy to like her, so he will later provide for her.

A woman appreciates a man’s struggle and rewards his efforts with her good nature.

A woman sees herself as her husbands equal.

A father teaches his girl about feeling cherished and being queen.

A woman is open to love and support.

A man makes his wife his queen, with no expectations in return.

A woman, as queen, makes a man her king.

They share the kingdom equally.

They behave in complementary roles.

Now you add your views to this.

add 2 or 3



Crumbling towers

Friday, October 16th, 2009

I was watching the news this morning and they were commenting on a situation where bullies had severely burned an innocent victim. As everyone would expect the mother was horrified, tearful and distraught . She was doing the right thing but it was too late. The commentator was selling information for her advertisers.

The commentators interviewed the professionals and they made their useless commentary.  Each of them focusing on the symptoms involved but none addressed the foundation problem.  Where was the father???  Where was the male voice in society’s reaction???  Where was the male honor code,  that when followed causes men to provide an umbrella of protection for all around them???

The gang problem was mentioned. It was not said that it has been linked to the absence of male supervision and initiation by the elders.  Gangs are adaptations where the boys are teaching  boys to become  men who behave like boys pretending to men.  Violence is directly relative to despair. Where are the men??? Real men??? Men who would die rather than dishonor themselves!!!

Bullies were discussed but no one talked about them being unloved, mislead  youth struggling in a society that cannot protect them.  Trust me, everyone measures their “well being” as physical “well being” in  their subconscious. ” Your father protects your family and your mother loves openly in your functional archetypic family.  You grow up to know how to be a functional parent. A father protecting and supporting his family.  A mother who within the protection and support of the father feels safe and is able to love openly. Parents who collaborate in raising a child who listens and learns to be strong and loving.

Stop the deterioration of our moral fiber. Stop the collapse of the tower of honor and the crumbling of our once noble society into a pit of fear.  Let the men behave like men. Let our boys grow up to be strong and courageous men.  Let the women be women with the privilege of safety and unfaltering support.  Let the children be controlled and protected by the functional parents.  Let the family system be worth fighting for.  Let nature take it’s course, each of us taking our “natural” role.

Michael Rebel LMHC