Archive for the ‘Self-esteem’ Category

Should’s vs. Supposed to’s

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

It seems that we humans have an ongoing inner struggle between “should’s” and “supposed to’s”.  Our brain is telling us what we “should” do from our memory banks.  Our DNA is telling us how it is “supposed to” be from our evolution.

Our instincts are constantly influencing our behaviors even though we don’t give them much credence these days.  They lead us to our mothers breast. They cause us to be gregarious.  We strive to learn and grow.  We have gender specific desires and idiosyncratic needs.  We grow through biologically motivated  developmental stages.  Etc…etc…etc.  Desire and sensation are the language of this aspect of self.

On the other hand we are influenced by a set of rules,  ideals,  implanted in the left lobe of our brain.  A “hard drive” so to speak that is programed into us by “parental figures”,religion, social pressures and “politically correct” demands. Even though these become embedded in our psyche, they may or may not be appropriate for the individual they are applied to. This “left brain” aspect of the individual communicates with words and strategies based on past experience.

Herein lies the rub.  Until both the instinctual and socially adaptive ideals are considered and consolidated in our life strategy we live with an internal struggle.  The struggle between what we want and what we prefer.  The wants (albeit “want” is a rather vague term)being instinctual and the preferred (preferred also having many meanings) being controlled by rules.  I propose that the preferences generally out-way the wants. Thus setting up the forum for depression and anxiety.

Until the individual devotes considerable effort to regain their instinctive awareness they will be continually swayed by the social propaganda.  The consolidation of the instinctual drives and social requirements can rarely be achieved without some reenactment of the past.  It requires a reenactment because the “shoulds” use language and the the “ought to’s” use action for their processing.

Physical law also mandates reenactment for change.  It states “one cannot change the past”.  One can only change its effect on us by reliving what has passed again in the present and thus diffusing the resulting negative charge.

Learn exactly who you are.  Accept it.  Learn about the human condition.  Accept it. Learn how nature works. Accept it.  Then honor your own personal life strategy. Designed this time by a functional adult, not a regressed 4 year old, struggling to survive.

“Voila”…….No more unnecessary depression or anxiety!

Michael Rebel LMHC.


Crumbling towers

Friday, October 16th, 2009

I was watching the news this morning and they were commenting on a situation where bullies had severely burned an innocent victim. As everyone would expect the mother was horrified, tearful and distraught . She was doing the right thing but it was too late. The commentator was selling information for her advertisers.

The commentators interviewed the professionals and they made their useless commentary.  Each of them focusing on the symptoms involved but none addressed the foundation problem.  Where was the father???  Where was the male voice in society’s reaction???  Where was the male honor code,  that when followed causes men to provide an umbrella of protection for all around them???

The gang problem was mentioned. It was not said that it has been linked to the absence of male supervision and initiation by the elders.  Gangs are adaptations where the boys are teaching  boys to become  men who behave like boys pretending to men.  Violence is directly relative to despair. Where are the men??? Real men??? Men who would die rather than dishonor themselves!!!

Bullies were discussed but no one talked about them being unloved, mislead  youth struggling in a society that cannot protect them.  Trust me, everyone measures their “well being” as physical “well being” in  their subconscious. ” Your father protects your family and your mother loves openly in your functional archetypic family.  You grow up to know how to be a functional parent. A father protecting and supporting his family.  A mother who within the protection and support of the father feels safe and is able to love openly. Parents who collaborate in raising a child who listens and learns to be strong and loving.

Stop the deterioration of our moral fiber. Stop the collapse of the tower of honor and the crumbling of our once noble society into a pit of fear.  Let the men behave like men. Let our boys grow up to be strong and courageous men.  Let the women be women with the privilege of safety and unfaltering support.  Let the children be controlled and protected by the functional parents.  Let the family system be worth fighting for.  Let nature take it’s course, each of us taking our “natural” role.

Michael Rebel LMHC



Thursday, May 7th, 2009

An erroneous belief that is often accepted.  The omission of awareness concerning when a persons life becomes their own.  One is officially and instinctively emancipated around 18th birthday.

GET IT! After your 18th birthday your life belongs to you.

It is your responsibility to care for yourself.

It is your belief system that matters to you.

Each of you is to begin your own journey.


Goodies 03/11/09

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

Who we are and what we spend our life achieving is determined by what has gone “wrong” or driven us from the “mean”.  All of us are specialized by this diversion.  The degree of variance equals the level of trauma and the direction of the variance is specific, directly toward or directly away from the nature of the trauma.  It is the acceptance of our traumatic experiences and their influence that lead us to a sense of well being.

Michael Rebel


Natural compensations

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

A human being’s psyche exists in a layered form. It is much like the layers of an onion. Each layer adapting to the layer before it. Compensating in this way to return to its natural form, rounded with smooth surfaces. One could say that each layer compensates for the perceived imperfection of the previous layer. This natural process causes each of us to exist in a state of internal conflict. The position we take depends on which layer our present state of being represents. This also explains why we choose our present avocation to compensate for our perceived weakness or imperfection. We are constantly adjusting and readjusting our being to achieve our pre trauma self. Thence we become experts at what we perceive as our least adequate self.

Michael Rebel