In a time of extreme personal stress I have a new awareness of the communication between the three aspects of me. I have found that I can consciously use the third aspect for the first time. Theorists have described this but I was never able to gain consistent intrapsychic control. Within my personal experience there was one aspect that I couldn’t readily identify.
Yesterday I was in a state of inner turmoil almost intense enough to call an anxiety attack. My mind was screaming “run…danger… run” and my heart was saying “No way! Not this time I am going to go all out for what I want, an intimate life”. My heart’s refusal to move caused my brain to start pulling out the most painful memories it could find. Then use them to try to regain control.
It was like 2 children one a little older than the other fighting over who was going to be in charge. Then out of the blue I had an inner vision. I saw a silhouette of an adult man step forward out of me. Standing between the 2 children and me in a commanding voice he said, “Children stop! work together.“ I was stunned because it came to me without conscious request and it had a visual impression.
I immediately calmed and became rational. It seems that right now for the first time in my awareness I have an integrated sense of the this part of the Adult in me. For the first time in my awareness, I understand about intentionally calling out the nurturing parent aspect of me for me. I have used this theoretically many times, in many ways helping others, but not let it function within me.
This man has consistently shown up when I was under external threat to myself and others. But never manifest so clearly about something that was pure internal.
Now I want to practice with this new tool until it becomes a readily available aspect of me.
Michael, Mike, and Mikie
