Archive for the ‘Inner Child’ Category

I’m here for me..

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

In a time of extreme personal stress I have a new awareness of the communication between the three aspects of me.   I have found that I can consciously use the third aspect for the first time.  Theorists have described this but I was never able to gain consistent intrapsychic control. Within my personal experience there was one aspect that I couldn’t readily identify.

Yesterday I was in a state of inner turmoil almost intense enough to call an anxiety attack.  My mind was screaming  “run…danger… run” and my heart was saying “No way!  Not this time I am going to go all out for what I want, an intimate life”.   My heart’s refusal to move caused my brain to start pulling out the most painful memories it could find. Then use them to try to regain control.

It was like 2 children one a little older than the other fighting over who was going to be in charge.  Then out of the blue I had an inner vision.  I saw a silhouette of an adult man step forward out of me.  Standing between the 2 children and me in a commanding voice he said,  “Children stop!   work together.“  I was stunned because it came to me without conscious request and it had a visual impression.

I immediately calmed and became rational. It seems that right now for the first time in my awareness  I have an integrated sense of the this part of the Adult in me.  For the first time in my awareness, I understand about intentionally calling out the nurturing parent aspect of me for me.  I have used this theoretically many times, in many ways helping others, but not let it function within me.

This man has consistently shown up when I was under external threat to myself and others.  But never manifest so clearly about something that was pure internal.

Now I want to practice with this new tool until it becomes a readily available aspect of me.

Michael, Mike, and Mikie

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Secrets by DH

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

I’ve built an empty corridor
As far as my eyes can see
Along each side a row of solid doors
Doors to which I’ve thrown away the key

Mommy taught me well
To keep their contents secret
I was told to never tell
each room contained regret
I keep them in the attic
While I dwell merely one floor below
In my prison with walls so thick
The morning sun can never glow

In my self-made prison cell
I keep a smile upon my face
I wear it so that no one can tell
I’ve all but given up the race

My prison now feels like a tomb
It’s the worst loss I’ve ever known
You see the setting is my living room
And it’s purpose in my life that I have let go

I walk that lonely corridor alone and cold
The oaken doors weathered with age
And even though they still are closed
I can still feel all the hurt and locked up rage

With every breath I took
I tried to earn her heart
I never let anyone near enough to look
I promised her I’d keep them in the dark

One by one the locks are beginning to fail
I cannot kill them or make them go away
All my demons are free sail
And slowly I have lost my way

When I finally lock myself away
Behind those weathered doors
I will look to her and say…
See mommy, I really was your good girl
each and every day.

By Debbie Hawthorne

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Goodies 03/11/09

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

Who we are and what we spend our life achieving is determined by what has gone “wrong” or driven us from the “mean”.  All of us are specialized by this diversion.  The degree of variance equals the level of trauma and the direction of the variance is specific, directly toward or directly away from the nature of the trauma.  It is the acceptance of our traumatic experiences and their influence that lead us to a sense of well being.

Michael Rebel

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