Should’s vs. Supposed to’s

It seems that we humans have an ongoing inner struggle between “should’s” and “supposed to’s”.  Our brain is telling us what we “should” do from our memory banks.  Our DNA is telling us how it is “supposed to” be from our evolution.

Our instincts are constantly influencing our behaviors even though we don’t give them much credence these days.  They lead us to our mothers breast. They cause us to be gregarious.  We strive to learn and grow.  We have gender specific desires and idiosyncratic needs.  We grow through biologically motivated  developmental stages.  Etc…etc…etc.  Desire and sensation are the language of this aspect of self.

On the other hand we are influenced by a set of rules,  ideals,  implanted in the left lobe of our brain.  A “hard drive” so to speak that is programed into us by “parental figures”,religion, social pressures and “politically correct” demands. Even though these become embedded in our psyche, they may or may not be appropriate for the individual they are applied to. This “left brain” aspect of the individual communicates with words and strategies based on past experience.

Herein lies the rub.  Until both the instinctual and socially adaptive ideals are considered and consolidated in our life strategy we live with an internal struggle.  The struggle between what we want and what we prefer.  The wants (albeit “want” is a rather vague term)being instinctual and the preferred (preferred also having many meanings) being controlled by rules.  I propose that the preferences generally out-way the wants. Thus setting up the forum for depression and anxiety.

Until the individual devotes considerable effort to regain their instinctive awareness they will be continually swayed by the social propaganda.  The consolidation of the instinctual drives and social requirements can rarely be achieved without some reenactment of the past.  It requires a reenactment because the “shoulds” use language and the the “ought to’s” use action for their processing.

Physical law also mandates reenactment for change.  It states “one cannot change the past”.  One can only change its effect on us by reliving what has passed again in the present and thus diffusing the resulting negative charge.

Learn exactly who you are.  Accept it.  Learn about the human condition.  Accept it. Learn how nature works. Accept it.  Then honor your own personal life strategy. Designed this time by a functional adult, not a regressed 4 year old, struggling to survive.

“Voila”…….No more unnecessary depression or anxiety!

Michael Rebel LMHC.


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